One of my best friends came home to a disaster tonight. Her betta fish (which she bought a week ago) is dead. She isn’t sad about this. I tried to give her my condolences and she let it be known that she was angry. She also took to Twitter to rant about this dead fish anger where she let the whole world know that “Big Al’s better refund my dead fish and all of his shit. I hate him, HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?! Now I have a fish ghost in my apt, great.”
Her fish was anorexic. He had a serious problem. She purchased two types of food for him and he wouldn’t eat either of them. Surg was an anorexic fish who refused any food and decided that being vain and full of himself was a life for him. Surg was so full of himself that he thought being the skinniest Betta on the block would also make him the most popular. He was a calorie counter who paid for his mistakes. And now he’s a fish ghost swimming in her apartment and terrorizing her.
Basically, the point I am getting at is that Betta fish are the asshole fish of the sea. They cannot even live in the same bowl because they’ll try to kill each other. If you don’t believe me I have another story about a horrible Betta who broke my heart.
When I was in high school I was dating a guy with a younger sister. She was a sweet girl. For Christmas she bought me a Betta with a cute little bowl and pink rocks. We named him Sparkle. I put Sparkle on the dresser in my room. He was a good little fish. I talked to him and pretended he listened. He ate his food. I thought we were a perfect match.
While I was laying in bed at night I would hear him jump out of his bowl and splash back into it. I would laugh at his little game every night. Until one morning… I woke up and Sparkle was dried up on my dresser. I had to scrape my fish soulmate off of a dresser. I was defeated. As my friend asked, “HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?!” Until I finally woke up and realized that he was suicidal the whole time. THE ENTIRE TIME. He was jumping every night because he couldn’t stand to live with me. If it is a reflection of my lovelife at all then that is even more depressing and it makes me hate Sparkle.
The moral of the story here is buy a kitten. Or a puppy. Or a pet rock because at least you can train a pet rock to attack if a burglar busts into your place. Betta fish are the assholes of the sea. And I hope she gets a full refund.
My friend is now using the fish death as an excuse to make sarcastic comments about pictures of a boy she does not like. “I commented ‘COOOL’ on a stupid picture he took of himself lol. And he was like, ‘Sarcasm?’ and I said, “Maybe a bit, sorry, my fish died and i’m taking it out on your picture.”